luckylisa

I excused myself from the table and ran to my crying room. The room in which I can sit quietly for just a moment to gather my tattered thoughts. The room where I can wrap my arms around myself as if someone gave a damn about me, giving myself a firm hug. The room where I can sob uncontrollably with snot running down Mixing, blending with the tears that roll down plump cheeks. The room where I can rock myself and hum a sweet tune To try to ground myself back down instead of floating up up up. When I left the table I knew that I wasn't in a good head space. The dam broke lose and the flood gates got stuck wide open. I sobbed as quietly as I could so no one could hear me. The lump in my throat kept getting bigger As my chest had a death grip as I breathed harder and faster. I could feel my skin become hot and prickly My fingernails turning white as I clenched my fists. I began a scalding hot bath so I could cleanse my mind of the dark thoughts that clouded it. My head slipped underneath the water and I screamed as loudly as I possibly could. A blood curdling scream that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up on end. I held my breath and closed my eyes tightly shut Hoping that death would finally find me and take me. I went to the room where dark thoughts could become reality.