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Catch me before I fall
But it's too late
For I have already fallen
Hit so hard my body cracked
My heart shattered within
Shutting myself down
Closing up to others
My silence forever kept
Catch me before I fall
But it's too late
My horrors now revealed
You're gone forever
And I'm standing here alone
Lost and foresaken
Catch me before I fall
But it's too late
My visions now hazed
Coldness seeping in
Freezing my internal organs
Lost in time and space
Frozen expressions of sadness
No longer do I exist
Catch me before I fall
But it's too late
For I have already fallen
Hit so hard I died in an instant
a poem....
Add a Comment:
 
:iconheavenlytouch:
I have posted my suggestion before. But I'm here to remind you to use a subject or more to be inside your poem. As I know, a subjectlless poem is quite boring and not interesting to read. I'm not judging you that your poems are bad, but I just want to make them better. I hope you can understand that I'm not a professional yet in poetry, but at least I know how to write a poem worth reading for. You may want to take a look for my poems and then you'll understand what I mean.
Click here [link] and here [link]
Thanks !!! :D
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 9 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconmarcoherrera:
MarcoHerrera Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
:clap: +fav 
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you :)
Reply
:iconwingz69:
WiNGz69 Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Student Writer
Its beautiful - I love it : ).
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you :) :hug:
Reply
:iconsonia-p:
sonia-p Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012
Very nice.
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you!
Reply
:iconrobostorm:
robostorm Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
"say you're here, or it's all over now"

Sorry, I just had to quote the song Whisper since, I actually clicked on this poem because of the title being in the song, but this poem is really good, quite amazing!! Keep writing!!!!
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you :)
Reply
:iconheavenlytouch:
heavenlytouch Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This one is quite good, but I think it will be better if you choose a GOOD subject like rain, night, or even light. Sorry, but I think this poem is pointless. You may use subjects above to give some colors to your poems so they're alive ! Sorry, I just want to help and bring suggestion. Overall, quite good ! :D
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks!
Reply
:iconheavenlytouch:
heavenlytouch Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Your welcome ! :)
Reply
:iconxjng:
XJNG Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Excuse me, but give that the subject of the poem is quite clearly an emotional experience, it's quite rude to say that a poem is pointless or that the poet should be writing about another subject. Subjects are what the poem is about. Changing the subject means changing the poem.

Now, to the poem itself, the sentiments aren't entirely original, but the way you expressed them (a physical shattering) is quite effective. The last line is particularly powerful. I do, however, think that you might want to break this poem into stanzas, which would make it clearer and easier to read.
Reply
:iconheavenlytouch:
heavenlytouch Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Sorry if that's quite rude, but I just want to help...
Anyway, thanks for reminding me to be careful and consider about my critique. Thanks for that ! :D
Reply
:iconkiriya:
Kiriya Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Cool! and very dark poetry!
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you :)
Reply
:iconcityangel6:
CityAngel6 Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:love: :hug:
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:hug:
Reply
:iconcuttothesex:
CutToTheSex Featured By Owner May 9, 2011
This is an emotional poem. It's very good.
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner May 9, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you :)
Reply
:iconrachelistorn:
rachelistorn Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011
this is very good and descriptive. did it help writing this.
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you. yes in some ways it did.
Reply
:iconloving-daughter:
Loving-Daughter Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2011
Lots of feeling here....great poem.
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you so much!
Reply
:iconloving-daughter:
Loving-Daughter Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2011
Very welcome.
Reply
:icontoseeifistillfeel:
ToSeeIfIStillFeel Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I normally really dont like spoken but i love this :)
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you :)
Reply
:iconthecriticofinnocence:
TheCriticofInnocence Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2010  Student General Artist
Beautiful. she asks for help from her pain, but sadly it is too late, for she has already fallen, cold and dead. Exceptionally Well done! :clap:
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you!
Reply
:iconandromedaii:
AndromedaII Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2010
:wave::heart: You've been featured here on 3/24/10 [link] :heart:
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
aww thank you sooooo much!!! :hug:
Reply
:iconandromedaii:
AndromedaII Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2010
:iconyoureverywelcomeplz:
Reply
:iconwinkingatlife:
winkingatlife Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2009
its amazing...!!
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you
Reply
:iconwinkingatlife:
winkingatlife Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2010
welcum..!!
Reply
:iconscheinbar:
scheinbar Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
featured : [link]
hope you like it :hug:
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you so much :hug:
Reply
:icondarkriderdlmc:
DarkRiderDLMC Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2009
I had not seen this one, it's from WAY before I hit DA.

Most really good lit. dev's are lucky to have 100 faves after several years, this has over 150...

...and well deserved.
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
aww thank you!
Reply
:iconessenique:
Essenique Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Very powerful emotions with great imagery!
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you!
Reply
:iconessenique:
Essenique Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Welcome!
Reply
:iconanimadellarosa:
AnimadellaRosa Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2009
Great poem, Marissa! :clap: There's much depth to your words. Feeling the emotions that many have experienced at some time in their lives.

Your words would make great lyrics to a song! :)
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
aww thanks hun :hug:
Reply
:iconanimadellarosa:
AnimadellaRosa Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2009
You're most welcome! :)
Reply
:iconbrandee-ssj-doll:
Brandee-Ssj-Doll Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Wow! This poem is amazing. I've been trying to get into poetry myself, but I haven't come up with anything this deep or profound. Bravo!
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you so much!
Reply
:iconbrandee-ssj-doll:
Brandee-Ssj-Doll Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome. :aww:
Reply
:iconeuphoricmadness:
euphoricmadness Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
The last line gave me chills. Good one. =)
Reply
:iconluckylisa:
luckylisa Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
aw thank you :hug:
Reply
:iconstarlight2infinity:
starlight2infinity Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2009
A very powerful one Marissa :wow: :clap: :rose:
Reply
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Submitted on
May 10, 2004
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